Monday, January 15, 2007

Alberta Geography

Boredom is deadly to anyone on a diet. Without something to do I usually just eat. I've already folded laundry, cleaned the kitchen and spent a half hour on the treadmill. Hubby is catching up on his paperwork, so I am left to my own dangerous devices.

Instead of eating, I spent some time playing around with the pictures on my computer - organizing, deleting, emailing - that sort of thing. Then I came across a full-body picture of me and my mind started to wander....

Boredom not only makes me want to eat, it makes me want do things that other people would consider strange. Not like what is she doing burying those garbage bags in the yard kind of strange, but stupid people tricks strange.

I have been cursed with a vivid imagination, and when I have nothing to occupy me, the imagination takes over. Tonight, I started to wonder how much of an atlas-sized map of the province of Alberta I could cover with a 4x6 picture of myself. Don't ask why I need to know this.

If I put my feet down at the US border, my head would be right near Lac La Biche. Just like my jeans in high school, my thighs are squished into the tight space where the Rockies crowd into the southern part of the province.

Here's the scary part - my hips stretch from the eastern edge of Banff to Oyen. Talk about a whole lotta Alberta beef.

Maybe that's the secret to weight loss - geography. Never mind the numbers on the scale or the size of my jeans. Forget about counting calories or points or fat grams. No longer will I obssess about getting back to the size I was before I had kids.



I would be very comfortable if my hips would settle between Cochrane and Drumheller and my thighs didn't touch the Rockies - or each other. It would be nice to have a chin that didn't hang down to Fort Saskatchewan and boobs that sagged to Red Deer.

Of course, if my weight loss journey fails, I could always move back to Ontario, where most of my body would be in the lake. And we all know how nice it is to be weightless in the water.

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