Tuesday, June 20, 2006

The DNA ladder

Here's some shocking news: Life just isn't fair. Quite the revelation isn't it?

But here's why life isn't fair to me:

I have been on diets almost my whole life - except for a period when I thought big was beautiful . I was 10 when my mother took me to my first weight watchers meeting, and that was after visiting more than one nutritionist.

Needless to say, food has always been an issue for me. I think I started becoming an emotional eater around the age of five. Being the child of a single working mother, I was alone - correction - lonely alot and I learned early about the comfort of getting to the bottom of a bag of Oreos.

I was also blessed with a mother who hid and hoarded food. She really thought she was doing the right thing in order to keep my weight down. But the result was that to this day I feel I need to eat the entire bag of chips before it's taken away or eaten by someone else.

Genetics are also a factor in my family. Both my parents are overweight, and as my dad likes to say "I come by it naturally". Strangely enough, this somehow made me feel better about my weight, but it was a dangerous way to ignore it.

The odds are stacked against me. For me, it's more than just going on a diet - I have to change more than 30 years of emotional wreckage. My loving husband is in the same boat. So when we're feeling stressed, we flip a coin to see who's going to get the chips. I love him dearly, but I think we are killing each other.

So there you have it. I'll never be a size four again - but the 2 days I was that size sure were memorable . My tummy will never be flat, my hips will always stick out and I'm pretty sure my thighs will touch each other even long after I'm gone. And even when I do lose all the weight, I'll still have to deal with everything giving into gravity.

It's okay though. I'm learning to be at peace with myself. My best friend in North Carolina used to be a size 0. She's now a 14. The lesson here: it always catches up with you. But she's so fine with it. She likes to say "Hey, I figure we all just have be different sizes." Bless her heart.

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