Thursday, March 29, 2007

Return of the ticker!!!!

I was so shocked when I got on the scale this morning, I just had to ressurect the ticker. I am now down 8 pounds!!!

Now, before anyone cheers or congratulates me, I have to be completely honest. I did not earn this weight loss.

I haven't been working out, or watching what I eat, or drinking litres of water. I have been sick and unable to eat for the last 4 days.

My Dr. McDreamy (oh yeah ladies) assures me this is just a virus that is going around. I already know that because I just had it a month ago. I am tired of disinfecting and my hands are so dry that my fingerprints are changing.

But I digress.

Whenever this happens to me, one thing consistenltly pops into my mind: Romy & Michelle's High School Reunion. You know, the line when Romy says "Mono was like the best diet ever".

I am pretty sure I'm not the only one who finds a nugget of truth in this quote. I had pneumonia when I was a kid and I lost 13 lbs. in one week. When I got it again 2 years later, I was thrilled. Sick, I know.

Losing weight when you are sick and not trying is a gift. I try not to get lulled into a false sense of success. Experience has taught me that as soon as I can eat a cracker, all the weight I lost will come rushing back to my hips.

But in the meantime, I am sticking to the liquids. Soup, tea, water. Oh, and the occassional milkshake. I mean, really, if it's not staying with me anyways, why the heck shouldn't I? It's like having immunity on Survivor - except without the million-dollar prize at the end.

Thursday, March 22, 2007

I took the boys to Playtopia for the first time yesterday.
What a great place!

But nothing reminds you that you are out of shape like one of those play structures.

There are two things that make me very nervous:
1) A large water slide - I always worry that my butt will get stuck; and
2) A large climbing structure for children.

It strikes fear into me that my children will get stuck and I will have to climb in there to save them. I have visions that my hips will get wedged into one of those small tunnels and the fire department will have to come cut me out.

Not to mention the contortion that is required to get in there in the first place. Those things were not built for anyone with hips, boobs, or an ample butt. I have images of children screaming because I had to twist my body unnaturally and accidentally squished a wee one with my hips. Even worse is the thought that by body fat is so cushioning that I wouldn't even notice.

But yesterday, I did go in. My son and his little friend needed help getting to the next level. So I climbed up there - way, way up there - to give them the boost we needed.

The foamy steps were easy enough. The little platforms to get up a couple of levels were at knee level, so those were a cinch.

But then I had to cross through a tunnel. Not a plastic tunnel, but one of those mesh ones. I wasn't sure it would hold me and I carefully assessed how far the fall down was. I had no choice but to go on - there was a line up of little ones behind me.

That little tunnel was like those Ikea kids chairs - they just don't look strong enough for an adult, but lo and behold they hold your weight.

Overall, once I got to the kids, I actually started having fun. I was playing in there!!!!

This morning, I am feeling the pain all over my body. I used muscles that haven't moved for more than 2 years.
It actually feels great.

Oh, and no kids were traumatized. But I really should have apologized to the dad who was in there with me and got a face-full of me.

Thursday, March 15, 2007

I removed my ticker last night. There was some kind of technical glitch and there was nothing there. So instead of trying to fix it, I just dumped it.

Sad thing too - I could have changed it today. When I got on the scale this morning, I was down another pound. So that's 5 pounds in about oh...4 months. At this rate I'll be at my goal weight in 6.8 years. I think I need to accelerate that. I refuse to have my car paid off before I'm a size 10.

Tonight, I treated myself to 2 chocolate truffles and now I am sick to my stomach. It seems that lately I don't have the capacity to pig out like I used to. So sad....

As some of you have noticed, I changed my avatar. I have that picture on my fridge, but it really was not working there. I'm not a fridge snacker, I am a pantry peruser. When I have the urge to nosh, I will open and close the pantry a zillion times looking for something good to eat. I don't know what I'm looking for, since there is no junk food fairy in my house who is sneaking treats into the pantry after I close the door.

I can't put the picture on the pantry - that just seems weird. So I posted it in the other place I frequent - here.

I have also changed my tactic. I am no longer dieting. It is just too frustrating to think I am denying myself all the time. Can't have this, I'm on a diet. Can't eat that, I'm on a diet. Can't enjoy a good meal, I'm on a diet. It's just too depressing.

So last week, I dumped the diet mentality. I am starting to cart around a bottle of water and I'm drinking it every day. I leave it in my car, and I absent-mindedly drink the whole thing. And I lost weight this week.

But you know, I'll be seriously pissed if I lose weight by just visualizing my goal and drinking water. All those years of diet programs and exercise regimes. All that money invested in trainers and nutritionists. All the time spent at the gym sweating like a pig and panting like a dirty old man.

Can you imagine if it was that easy? Ladies, I'll volunteer to be the guinea pig for this experiment. I'll keep my exercise to a minimum, drink my water, and change my way of thinking. If it works, I'll be thrilled, and I'll sell you a copy of the non-regimented regime for a small fee.

Of course, you have to wait around for the results for 6.8 years.....

Monday, March 5, 2007

When you have a lot of weight to lose, it seems like the end will never come. You diet and you exercise and you deprive yourself and at the end of the week, the scale has barely moved.

It's freakin exhausting.

Now I realize that people lose weight in different ways, but it has never seemed fair to me the way I lose weight.

For some people, 10 pounds is very noticeable. For others, you can only notice from the way they hold their heads a bit higher. For me, 10 pounds is only obvious to me - and that's because of the way I lose weight.

I don't have to step on the scale to know I've lost weight. I just have to step in my shoes, because that's where I lose it first.

After my feet have shrunk a size, the weight loss will move on to my face. I lose my chins and then my chubby cheeks and people look at me weird. They know something is different, but can't quite figure it out. I'll help you out - it's that my head now looks too small for my body.

As I lose more weight, the changes become more evident from the neck down. After the face, it's the boobs - first the ones in front, then the back boobs.

Then it's a natural progression: waist, hips, butt.

But it takes forever for the weight loss to show on my derriere. Let's not even talk about the thighs.

So if you happen to notice that I'm wearing new shoes, be an angel and say something. It'll make me feel good for a while - at least until my head starts to shrink.

Friday, March 2, 2007

I don't know what's wrong with me. I've come off the flu and I'm now recovering from my cold. I stepped on the scale thinking the numbers would have gone down since I haven't had much of an appetite for over a week.

No such luck.

This afternoon, I watched the video of my first wedding. I was about 70 pounds lighter than I am now. What stuck in my mind was how great I felt when I was that thin.

I need to get there again.

I dug out a picture of me at my thinnest and stuck it on the fridge. But I know better than to think that will motivate me.

Growing up, we always had some sort of magnet or device aimed at keeping us away from the fridge. I remember all the magnets:

A moment on the lips, forever on the hips.

Nothing tastes as good as thin feels.

If you have it now, you'll pay for it later.

Diet is only a four letter word.

And the gadgets:

The pig that oinked when you opened the fridge door.

The bobbly head that stuck to the side of the fridge and went :no: .

The mini recorder that admonished you in your own voice when you opened a cupboard.

None of them worked. Not for me, not for my mother.

What they did do was leave an imprint on my brain. So much so, that I can even recall exactly what they looked like and exactly where they were.

"A moment on the lips, forever on the hips"

This magnet sat on the side of the fridge - next to the magnetic shopping list and the fridge clip that held the chinese food take out menus.

"Nothing tastes as good as think feels"

This one had a chip in the upper right corner. It smacked into wall next to the freezer door one Saturday afternoon when I failed to maintain my balance while trying to stop the ice cream from slipping out of my hands.

"If you have it now, you'll pay for it later" and "Diet is only a four letter word."

Both of these were on the front of the fridge and both were made of that milky cheap plastic. They moved around a lot and were generally used to hold food coupons. Their neighbours were the magnets shaped like ice cream cones, candy floss and licorice bits.

Hey, wait a minute.......................