Monday, April 30, 2007

It is a perpetual truth that most people find it very hard to take a compliment. Especially women.

Men don't have this problem. You tell them they look good in those jeans, they immediately assume you are hitting on them. If you notice the haircut, they assume you are hitting on them. If you compliment them for some dandy handiwork, they assume you want to sleep with them. Men are so simple.

Women, on the other hand, are a more fickle group when it comes to compliments. I think most of us are pretty quick to dish out the compliments to our female friends and usually without an agenda. We just noticed something and want to say hey, good for you!

But when we are on the receiving end of a compliment, we are self-deprecating, shy and embarrassed. I think it's exacerbated when weight & diet is involved.

When someone says "Hey, you look like you've lost weight!" I immediately counter with "Umm, no, I haven't." Heaven forbid I should just say thank you and be pleased that I look thinner that day. I know what my scale says. And if you continue to stand within earshot, I'll stammer about how I just got new pants, or a bra that actually fits and separates my boobs from waist.

Bless the kind ones who continue. "Well, your face looks thinner. So whatever you're doing, just keep doing it."

What I'm doing is eating chips and ice cream. Avoiding the treadmill (because my kids are now using it as a launching pad onto an air mattress). Generally being lazy about eating right.

But what I'll do is plaster a smile on my face and say "Thanks".

We should all be more accepting of compliments. A friend of mine always greets every compliment with a huge smile and an enthusiatic "Thank you for saying that". Crap, I hope she doesn't think I'm hitting on her....

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Ugh...I am having one of those fat days.

You know those days when you feel bloated and gross. When the pants that were sagging yesterday are now digging into your waist. When your fingers feel so chubby that making a fist just hurts.

And it's not all in my head. I'm getting my period, my throat was killing me last night, and my mother was stressing me out. I was a fat day just waiting to happen.

Getting my period means I NEED CHOCOLATE. There's no getting around that. Happily it does not happen every month, but this month I so needed that triple chocolate donut from Tim's. I didn't even really enjoy it - as soon as I picked up the bag at the drive thru, Mason started yelling "I need some" and Westin was whining while straining to get out of his car seat to reach the bag. It's a sad day when you can no longer conceal your drive thru sins from your kids.

The sore throat definitely warranted a visit to Co-op to get some ice cream. It hurt everytime I swallowed, and I had it in my head that only Heavenly Hash would help. It used to be Chocolate Chip, but Breyers discontinued that flavour. By the time I finished my bowl, my throat was better, but I could feel the body bloat starting in my feet.

And my mother. Well, we all have them, so I don't need to be particular about the conversation. Let me just say that anything you have heard about having a Jewish mother is true - the perpetual guilt trip (I was in labour for 44 hours with you and there were no drugs back then), the ability to disguise an insult as a question (so have you lost even one more pound), and the condescending remarks that make you feel like you are 5 again and just got caught stealing cookies (well, if why did you pay for the class if you're not going to bother taking him?) Oy....

On the bright side, my fat day really began yesterday afternoon. I only noticed it when I was on the phone with my mother. As I moved the phone to cradle it between my ear and my shoulder, my chubby cheek hit the TALK button and I accidently hung up on her.

So fat days aren't so bad after all.

Sunday, April 8, 2007

I overheard a conversation the other day between an 11-year-old and his father that went something like this:

11-year-old: I'm not inviting her to my party, she's so annoying.

Dad: Why is she annoying?

11-year-old: Oh my god...she's fat and she never shuts up and her voice is irritating!

Dad: Oh. Okay then. Just stay away from her.

OH MY GOD!!! WTF???

At first I was enraged with this, and then I started having flashbacks to my own school days.

If I had had the nerve, I would have said something. It's really not my business, but the poor boy could certainly use some guidance & insight from the other side.

1) Fat kids are always friends with the geeks.

Since we are equally ostracized and made fun of, it is only natural that we should form a strong bond. The fat people will eventually lose weight and, well, we all know how it turns out for the geeks. Bill Gates can tell you.

2) Fat kids are always the last ones to get picked for the team.

Let me ask you this. Do you know what it's like to face down a line of fat kids in Red Rover? Bring it on skinny kids - you'll never get through our line and it only takes one of our teammates to knock down your whole line. Who's the loser?

3) Fat kids make the most loyal friends.

Your skinny friends will steal your boyfriend or girlfriend. They will stab you in the back and spread gossip about you. The fat kids - having been outcast - are extremely loyal and kind. They tend to be followers more than leaders. And the bible says "The meek shall inherit the earth." So when your fat friend rules the universe, you can only benefit.

4) Fat kids will forever remember the names they were called.

Fat kids never forget the hurt. And they never forget the people who did the hurting. All the name-calling has toughened them and they are better equipped to handle the real world. Have you ever seen an overweight homeless person?

5) Despite the fat jokes, it is really a small world.

Just be nice to the fat kids. You never know when you'll meet again. Chances are you'll run into one of them when you are interviewing for a job or facing a DWI charge. Heck, the fat kid might even be the doctor you are consulting for liposuction. What goes around, comes around.