Sunday, April 8, 2007

I overheard a conversation the other day between an 11-year-old and his father that went something like this:

11-year-old: I'm not inviting her to my party, she's so annoying.

Dad: Why is she annoying?

11-year-old: Oh my god...she's fat and she never shuts up and her voice is irritating!

Dad: Oh. Okay then. Just stay away from her.


At first I was enraged with this, and then I started having flashbacks to my own school days.

If I had had the nerve, I would have said something. It's really not my business, but the poor boy could certainly use some guidance & insight from the other side.

1) Fat kids are always friends with the geeks.

Since we are equally ostracized and made fun of, it is only natural that we should form a strong bond. The fat people will eventually lose weight and, well, we all know how it turns out for the geeks. Bill Gates can tell you.

2) Fat kids are always the last ones to get picked for the team.

Let me ask you this. Do you know what it's like to face down a line of fat kids in Red Rover? Bring it on skinny kids - you'll never get through our line and it only takes one of our teammates to knock down your whole line. Who's the loser?

3) Fat kids make the most loyal friends.

Your skinny friends will steal your boyfriend or girlfriend. They will stab you in the back and spread gossip about you. The fat kids - having been outcast - are extremely loyal and kind. They tend to be followers more than leaders. And the bible says "The meek shall inherit the earth." So when your fat friend rules the universe, you can only benefit.

4) Fat kids will forever remember the names they were called.

Fat kids never forget the hurt. And they never forget the people who did the hurting. All the name-calling has toughened them and they are better equipped to handle the real world. Have you ever seen an overweight homeless person?

5) Despite the fat jokes, it is really a small world.

Just be nice to the fat kids. You never know when you'll meet again. Chances are you'll run into one of them when you are interviewing for a job or facing a DWI charge. Heck, the fat kid might even be the doctor you are consulting for liposuction. What goes around, comes around.

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