Sunday, August 19, 2007

made a horrible mistake last week.

I went clothes shopping with my mother.

I haven't been clothes shopping with my mother since I was 14 and we had that "incident" in Bi-Way. We always shopped at Bi-Way - it was a discount boutique where the clothes were really cheap and really unfashionable. It was like it was built specifically for single moms with overweight children.

Anyways, the "incident" was a mortifying Saturday afternoon just before the return to school after winter holidays. I was browsing at one end of the store (probably near the candy ) and my mom was somewhere else far away from me.

I am pretty sure the music playing over the speakers was Prince's Purple Rain because now, whenever I hear it, I feel my cheeks get hot and my ears want to bleed.

So I'm walking around, minding my own business, when from somewhere inside the store I hear my mom yell: "Dana, the largest sizes are over here!" Come try on these pants and this bra."

Like I said, mortifying.

So this week, with years of experience behind me and a whole lot more self-confidence, I let my judgement lapse and went shopping with my mother. I don't know what I was thinking.

I guess I was just blissfully ignorant, like a bug that is enjoying a beautiful day, until wham! It hits a windshield and it's all over. My windshield was in the "Woman" department at Sears.

Once again, I was just browsing. But this time, instead of my mom yelling for me across the store, I looked up from a rack I was sifting through and discovered my mom was at the same rack!

I swear I felt a little bit of throw up come into my mouth, and all the memories of that day in Bi-Way came back to me. And now I can no longer listen to James Blunt's Beautiful without feeling a little bit sick.

Tuesday, August 7, 2007

There comes a time in every overweight person's life when they hit rock bottom and finally get it.

It can happen at any time: when you catch a glimpse of youself naked in the mirror; when you eat so much crap in one day you are physically ill; when you can no longer fit into your largest size pants.

I think I hit my rock bottom yesterday while I was folding laundry. I picked up a pair of my underpants and was holding them up to fold and was hit with a sudden .

I was completely dumbfounded by the sheer size of them. Let me give you some perspective.

My underpants are big enough to fit both my children side-by-side, a couple of stuffies to keep them company and there would still be room for books, snacks, diapers and a change of clothes. Like a freaking knapsack.

How the hell did I get here?

I can't say for sure that at that moment I decided enough was enough. I can say that I was definitely not interested in any junk food. I wasn't depressed to the point of eating myself into stupor. But it really made me think.

It was so deflating, so shocking and so funny at the same time. All the granny pants jokes came back to me in a hurry. But my granny never had knickers that large.

And of course, my wonderful son, the brilliant three-year-old who has not yet learned to keep some thoughts to himself, just had to blurt out "Wow, mommy, those are soooo big!"

Yes they are, my pet, now come here so I can measure where the straps need to go. Mommy is making you a new knapsack.