Wednesday, February 13, 2008


I cannot believe that a month and a half has passed since I last put anything in this journal.

There is so much going right now and I haven't really taken the time to record my random musings.

Truthfully, there is not much to tell.

Since my last post, I have lost 20 lbs, gone down three sizes, had a boob lift, and won the lottery.

See? Life is so much better in the alternate reality.

In the alternate reality, nothing ever goes wrong. Life is perfect. Everything that was bad is good.

My alternate reality is almost utopian. Here's what happens in my personal pretend universe:

Men gain weight if they skip a meal instead of losing 10 lbs.
Chocolate is not fattening at all and chips are part of the food guide.
Children always listen to their parents and do everything to please them.
Credit card bills simply don't exist. Whatever you buy is paid for anonymously.
Wrinkles and saggy boobs start at age 25 instead of 35.
Smoking is socially acceptable again.
Money really does grow on trees - but indoors, where it's protected from the elements and eaten by your children.
Losing weight is soooo easy - all you have to do is eat the fruit of your money tree and you instantly lose 15 pounds per week.
Everything - and I mean everything - is your mother's fault.

OMG...I've been watching too much science fiction.

But seriously, nothing really has changed. I do manage to exercise at least 3x per week and I'm definitely eating better. And I visit my alternate reality now and then. Keeps me sane. And in denial, which truthfully, when your children are fighting, the poopy diapers are overwhelming and the chips are calling, is not such a bad place to be.